Here you will find a personal archive of our most cherished movies. If you haven't read who we are yet, please do so. The films reviewed below are among the finest in all of western civilization. Bear in mind that most of these movies span the time-frame of the supposed Generation X -- which, by the by, is a term that makes most of the members of our generation want to projectile vomit.
Notwithstanding, the choice films below can be rented at your friendly neighborhood video purveyor. Unless, of course, your friendly neighborhood video purveyor is a porno peddler. SIDE NOTE: That list comes in the next issue!! SECOND SIDE NOTE: That was intended to be humorous. If you don't find our humor genuinely funny, may we suggest a more main-stream link for your enjoyment.
LEGEND:
 Two Butts Up
 Two Butts Down
 Split Decision
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MOVIES
Blazing Saddles
Director: Mel Brooks
Genre: Comedy
Main Actors: Gene Wilder, Clevon Little, and Harvey Corman
Opinion: A true side-splitter. This is a classic of American humor.
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Without A Clue
Director: Thom Eberhardt
Genre: Comedy
Main Actors: Ben Kingsley and Michael Caine
Opinion: Dry British humor. Not for the uninitiated -- you must have an well-rounded education to appreciate British humor in general. This would be a beginner course for those not used to intellectual wit.
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No Way Out
Director: Roger Donaldson
Genre: Drama / Suspense
Main Actors: Gene Hackman and Kevin Costner
Opinion: An all-around winner. Non-traditional and unexpected ending. Keeps you on the edge of your seat. Great acting. Blimey! It's great.
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Raising Arizona
Director: Joel and Ethan Cohen
Genre: Dark Comedy
Main Actors: Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter
Opinion: Both of our female counterparts dislike this flick. Subtle dark comedy. You must watch this movie twice. Cult favorite.
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Life of Brian
Director: Terry Jones
Genre: British Comedy
Main Actors: Terry Jones, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, John Cleese, Michael Palin and Graham Chapman.
Opinion: Spiffing. Absolutely spiffing. Side-splitting British humor. Read your bible first. This is most definitely an advanced course in British humor.
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Last of the Mohicans (1994)
Director: Michael Mann
Genre: Action / Drama
Main Actors: Madeline Stowe and Daniel Day-Lewis
Opinion: Must be viewed on wide screen. We recommend the Letterbox version. Has enough action to satiate the masculine and enough moosh to please our female counterparts.
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Wall Street
Director: Oliver Stone
Genre: Drama
Main Actors: Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen
Opinion: The ultimate 80's power flick. By far Mr. Douglas' best performance. Brutal and unyielding. A man's drama.
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The Hunt for Red October
Director: John McTiernan
Genre: Action / Drama
Main Actors: Sean Connery (aka "Diety") and Alec Baldwin (aka "Poser")
Opinion: Movie based on a Tom Clancy bestseller. No matter how bad Hollywood butchers a novel, Tom Clancy movies come out great on film. Did I mention Sean Connery is a living legend?
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Pulp Fiction
Director: Quentin "Geek-Boy" Tarantino
Genre: You tell me
Main Actors: Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta
Opinion: Hmmm. I used to really like this flick. Then the "art and croissant" crowd endorsed it as the rebellion flick of the '90s. I considered it (note past tense) a good offbeat film. However, it was merely a vehicle for the overtly nerdy Quentin Tarantino to break into acting with a mug only a plastic surgeon could love.
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The Thing
Director: John Capenter
Genre: Horror / Suspense
Main Actors: Kurt Russell and Unknowns
Opinion: When you are in the mood for a sci-fi monster flick with enough gore to make Sam Pekinpah squeal, this is the flick for you. Action! Suspense! Thrills! Chills! Fresh Fruit! This one has it all.
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Independence Day
Director: Roland Emmerich
Genre: Science Fiction
Main Actors: Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum
Opinion: Really liked this one. Tugs at you from all directions.
Drama, comedy, action, romance, slimy-disgusting-aliens-hell-
bent-for-universal-domination. Ethan wasn't as thrilled.
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The Saint
Director: Phillip Noyce
Genre: Action / Suspense
Main Actors: Val Kilmer and Elisabeth Shue.
Opinion: I've never actually seen the original television series that this movie was based on. In and of itself, it is a smashing Bond-esque film. The A-Team factor (for those of you who remember that dreadful show) was fairly high. That is, Val didn't like to kill, he was more of a professional thief. Therefore, he went out of his way to injure rather than kill. While I like this concept, he went to comical extremes to achieve this end. Back to the point, The Saint is a slick, well made film. The woman in your life will enjoy looking at Val and will probably tell you about it. Just don't let her know how much you enjoyed seeing Elisabeth Shue in her skivvies.
Rating:
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Red Rock West
Director: John Dahl
Genre: Suspense
Main Actors: Nicolas Cage, Dennis Hopper, Lara Flynn Boyle
Opinion: A box office bomb that really is quite good. The plot
is convoluted and fun. A hoot. Dennis Hopper's performance is worth
an Oscar.
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Men In Black
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Genre: Sci-Fi
Main Actors: Tommy Lee Jones, Will Smith, Linda Fiorentino
Opinion: Mindless fun. Much like Mars Attacks, I relaxed, suspended my cerebral cortex, and enjoyed the flick. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones work for a covert branch of the INS that monitors real aliens who live among us. Most are kind and gentle, but -- you guessed it, some are downright nasty buggers with a penchant for over-acting. I smell a sequel. Oh, and Linda Fiorentino is a babe.
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Spawn
Director: Mark Dippe
Genre: Fantasy / Action
Main Actors: Michael Jai White, John Leguizamo, Martin Sheen
Opinion: I'm ambivalent about this movie. The special effects give me a stiffy. The plot was weak and the acting was a wee bit putrid. However, I do believe this is going to be an excellent rental.
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Scream
Director: Wes "I wish I was John Carpenter" Craven
Genre: Horror
Main Actors: Teeny-bopper hippies
Any flick where Henry "The Fonz" Winkler gets his nubbins cut off by a hormonal teen age psycho is Oscar material in my book. I actually did get a few jolts out of this otherwise run-of-the-mill slasher movie. Good rental material. By the way, the murderer is Gavin Rosdale from the teeny-bopper band Bush. I'm not kidding.
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The Game
Director: David Fincher
Genre: Suspense
Main Actors: Michael Douglas, Sean Penn.
Opinion: Off the heels of his success with Seven, David Fincher scores big again with this unusual thriller. Nicholas Van Orner (Douglas) receives a gift from his younger brother (Penn) on his 48th birthday. The gift is from a firm specializing in life-altering games. Each game is specifically tailored to your life based on intense psychological testing. The Game turns out to be much more than Nicholas bargained for as he spirals downward into a nightmarish world of paranoia and mind-numbing incidents designed to mentally break him. You need to see this movie.
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Tomorrow Never Dies
Director: Roger Spottiswoode
Genre: Bond, James Bond
Main Actors: Pierce Brosnan, Michelle Yeoh.
Opinion: The second Pierce Brosnan 007 installment continues the mixture of James Bond and Rambo. I realize that the producers are trying to make 007 appeal to more audiences by pulling out the ten-million-bullets-fired-and-everyone-is-killed-except-the-hero-scenario. I liked to movie. However, there was less then 15 minutes of dialogue, no gambling, and not enough general spy-thriller material to satisfy the die hard 007 fan.
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Dante's Peak
Director: Roger Donaldson
Genre: Disaster
Main Actors: Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton.
Opinion: Liked the movie, despite being totally worn out at the end. The gist is the same as most tragedy flicks: hero warns of impending doom, hero is discredited and disbelieved, tragedy strikes, everyone wishes they'd listened to
the hero in the first place. Only this time the hero can't land the plane or put out the fire or disarm the bomb. Throw in the dottering old biddie mother-in-law who won't come down off the mountain, the kids who refuse to let granny
die like the old fool she is, and a couple of adults (Brosnan and babe) who refuse to let go and face the fact that granny and the kids are gonna fry in a river of molten lava. At the end you wonder what else could possibly happen to
these people.
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The Jackal
Director: Michael Caton-Jones
Genre: Action thriller
Main Actors: Bruce Willis, Sidney Portier, Richard Gere
Opinion: A good flick. Pretty fast paced and stunningly violent. Willis is solid as international terrorist and man of a thousand faces, the Jackal. Portier doesnt look like he's aged a bit and is his characteristically great self, and Gere carries off a very good Irish accent as the ex-IRA terrorist who helps Portier catch the Jackal. A cool film.
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The Man Who Knew too Little
Director: John Amiel
Genre: Comedy
Main Actors: Bill Murray
Opinion: A must-see, especially after having seen "The Game." Murray signs up for the "Theatre of Life" and stumbles into a real-life spy drama but he thinks everyone is acting. They think he's a super sleuth. Murray at his knee-slapping best.
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Event Horizon
Director: Paul Anderson
Genre: Sci-fi
Main Actors: Lawrence Fishburn, Sam Neal
Opinion: Don't think this did very well at the theatre but I thought it was quite good. Suspense, action, horror, all without the usual slimy space aliens. A thrill-ride with a twist you'll never see coming.
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Face/Off
Director: John Woo
Genre: Action
Main Actors: Nicholas Cage, John Travolta.
Opinion: Okay, let me try to explain this film. You see this terrorist (Cage) is being hunted by this FBI agent (Travolta). The FBI Agent (Travolta) is obsessed with the terrorist (Cage) because the terrorist (Cage) killed his (Travolta's) son in an attempt to kill him (Travolta). So, one day the FBI guy (Travolta) catches the terrorist (Cage). The terrorist (Cage) ends up in a coma and his brother (also a terrorist) is thrown in prison. It is learned that the terrorist (Cage)
has planted a bomb somewhere in L.A., big enough to flatten a five mile area (not a bad idea really). The only way to find out where the bomb is is to get the info from the brother, but he won't talk. So, the FBI convinces our hero (Travolta) to undergo a weird operation where they will (I'm not making this up) remove the terrorist's (Cage's) face and the FBI guy's (Travolta's) face and put the terrorist's (Cage's) face on the FBI guy (Travolta) and the FBI guy's (Travolta's) face
in a jar for safe keeping. They do liposuction, and some other reconstructive stuff (completely reversible they claim) and voila! The FBI guy (Travolta) becomes the terrorist (Cage). They put the FBI guy (Travolta looking like Cage) in prison with the brother to learn where the bomb is. Before he (Travolta who now looks like Cage) does, however, the terrorist (Cage wrapped in gauze) comes out of his coma, calls his homeys and has the surgeon and everone who knows about the
operation rounded up. He (Cage in gauze) has the operation done on himself, becomes the FBI guy (Travolta), kills everyone who knows the truth, takes the cushy FBI job, sleeps with the FBI guy's (Travolta who now looks like Cage) wife, and pardons his brother for turning states evidence against the terrorist (Cage, actually Travolta). Confused? You damn well should be. Its a pretty good flick but far fetched at times with lots of action and an inventive plot. Worth a look-see.
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Heat
Director: Michael Mann
Genre: Action/Drama
Main Actors: Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Val Kilmer
Opinion: One of Lloyd's favorites. Pacino and DeNiro face off in a story about big-time bank robbers (DeNiro, Kilmer) who are obsessed with the thrill of the score, and the work-a-haulic cop who is obsessed with taking them down (Pacino). Includes one of the best gun-battles ever recorded on celluloid.
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